Th3 Fr0z3N D3sTinY

Evanescence —- Lithium

Lithium, don’t want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don’t want to forget how it feels without…
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh but God I want to let it go.

Come to bed, don’t make me sleep alone.
Couldn’t hide the emptiness, you let it show.
Never wanted it to be so cold.
Just didn’t drink enough to say you love me.

I can’t hold on to me,
Wonder what’s wrong with me.

Lithium, don’t want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don’t want to forget how it feels without…
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

Don’t want to let it lay me down this time.
Drown my will to fly.
Here in the darkness I know myself.
Can’t break free until I let it go.
Let me go.

Darling, I forgive you after all.
Anything is better than to be alone.
And in the end I guess I had to fall.
Always find my place among the ashes.

I can’t hold on to me,
Wonder what’s wrong with me.

Lithium, don’t want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don’t want to forget how it feels without…
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

—– Hari ni aku tengah duk lepak jerk ni depan pc aku..kerja agak banyak hari ni added jalan kat johor ni jam gila..nak deepavali katakan..habis sesak..penin pala aku..duk ulang alik ke sana ke mari dalam keadaan yang panas terik tu..teruji iman aku..dengan penambahan masalah-masalah tertentu seperti biasalah kan..

Aku kekadang rasa cam sunyi gila sini bulan posa ni..cam sorang jerk rasa..kenapa ek?…dah kat seminggu ni aku balik umah lambat jerk from work..buka pun kat luar..makan setakat tuk alas perut then makan esok nyer tuk sahur..pun alas perut nyer..aku buka hotel pun tak leh nak makan sangat..kenapa ek?..but rasa berat badan aku ni camtu jerk..cam tak ubah pun..tensi beb..waaaaaa..aperk nak buat ek..rasa cam hari ni hari tensi sedunia..

Sekali lagi aku cam sedih sikit memikirkan benda yang aku telah hilang..agaknyer bila aku ni nak ok balik lah kan..asyik-asyik pikir benda sedih jerk.bila nak happy…aderk tak sesaperk kat sana sudi happykan aku..aku banje lolypop..nak? Ni lagi beberapa hari jerk nak raya dah ni..but kerja aku makin hari rasa cam makin banyak lah pulak..camner tu?..binggung aku dibuatnyer..aderk org leh tolong aku lagikk tak?..hukhuk..waaaaaaa…..kenapa dengan aku ni..hukhuk..entah ah..hari ni hari menggong and hari benggong sedunia..

Sebelum aku terlupa..malam ni malam 27 Ramadhan..so gunakan lah yerk sebaik mungkin..mudah-mudahan mendapat syafaat darik ALLAH SWT…aku pun insyaALLAH kalo rajin berjaga lah aku..mana tau kot-kot aku yg kalut ni and banggang ni tetiba insaf..sedar..hidayah and taufik tu lagik banyak turun kat aku kan..InsyaALLAH..saperk tak mo kan..penting tu…hohoho…erm..sedih lagik..huwaaaaa..nak happy..tak kira..nak happy gak..tolong….waaaaaaaaa…huaaaaaa..whuaaaaaaaaa..

Last but not least..to that someone tu..love you..miss you..even thou i know you don’t have anything for me anymore..take care and always pray for the best for you..but ingat..and perlu tanamkan dalam diri tu..tuk sabar..and bersyukur..okai…my dear aoineko…

K lah..song for the moment tuk today is Evanescene..Lithium..suka sangat cara Amy Lee bawak lagu tu dengan suara dia..aku tak really pay attention to the lyrics but more kepada cara dia bawak lagu tu..interesting lah beb..hukhuk..Amy Lee rock..and lagi satu lagu Snow White Queen..tu pun best..nanti ah aku upload kan lyrics dia yerk..hohoho….

Selamat berbuka to all okai………..

Jaa na’

mata’

Today is monday..one more week to go and it is already raya..Doesn’t really felt the atmosphere of raya anymore..life have been preety rough for me to even thinkin of raya..sad isn’t it?

It’s been like three years we haven’t really celebrate raya coz of all the problems and down time we are suffering here..Every single one of us here are facing bad time..bad day..even bad dreams..

For me my self..time this raya would be one of the saddest raya i guess..coz there seems to be to much of losses that would just seems to make me watery when ever i think about raya and also thinking about things that i have lost..most precious one of course..But they say life must go on..so i just have to past through that day..But wouldn’t know how would i really turn out to be..ok or not..good or not..strong or not..But since this last weekend..it made me reallise again a lot of thing..about me..and also about others..selfishness..ego..anger..revenge..and also love..may be also "gila sex" for some "man" who doesn’t really know how to really appreciate women..I’ve been wondering..just becouse of this few sex maniac man..would just get into a relationship just to for sex..it had tarnished all of us other man..Actually..do we really need sex that bad?..I mean we do have the nature for it..but are we that desperate to have sex?…Do we really look for sex when ever we look at gurls?…..Something to think about u know..are u really that kind of person? Or are we that kind of person?..Erm..from my own personal opinion..women are not sex slave or any other kind of slave..they are meant to be cherished and care..just like our mother or maybe sister…If u felt inlove with somebody..please do remember this all of my kind..look into the heart..not from the shell it self..coz most gurl actually look us inside..not on outside..But there are some women and men whom always look on the outside only..Nature lah..But it is not that healty you see..For someone like me..I have always go through life by judging something from it’s inner..not from it’s outer shell..

Sex..sex..and sex..and currently i’m so worried about someone and hope she would not fall into victim of her boyfriend sex desire and lust..Think about it already make you scared..To think about it..for heaven sake..is women that cheap for a guy to always coupled..go out once..and already asked for this or that..go out twice..they upgraded their wish..go out thrice..they upgraded it even more.and until at one point of this..no more to upgrade..so..JUST DISCARD IT..it happen a lot nowdays..but there are still some women felt victim for it even though there are many example out there..The reason?..simple..some of this women would jut loved this guy their whole heart and just don’t want to loose this guy..they are willing to give anything to this person as long as this person love them and always stay by their side..STUPID..AND ALSO DUMB YET IDIOT..To all women and gurls out there..please take care of your cave from being visit by mister earl unless that earl already been given the proper right and authority for the cave…Please remember..we are Malaysian..not european or those kind of people whom run their life on open sex..Please remember gurls..you are just to precious..for some man i just donno..but for me whom really look high and treasure a relationship..just holding a hand of a women is already big enough..and it would take sometimes..coz time is needed for your heart to really grow fond and like on her..Worst come to worst lah kan..think lah..is it worth it for u just to give your self to someone whom you really known just for like what?..few days or month..not even a year..and you seldomly meet?…Think..Think..and Think ok…

I just donno wether i have the right to say all this thing..but i just felt wanna to right this blog since yesterday it self..for that someone..i really hope you take a good care of your self..coz u are just to precious and priceless to let a man get you just like that in a blink of an eye..Used your women insticnt to differentiate wether that man really2 love you..or just aftering you for your body and sex..think carefully..and watch your self out..There are lot of good man out there that would look you from inside..and care for you their whole heartly and not even for sex..Sex is actaully something sacred and should only be done if the most proper..good..and authorised way..mean..you already get the GREEN GO LIGHT legally and religiously..understand..coz when u do it without the GREEN GO LIGHT..believe me..your life wouldn’t be anymore happier..everything would just turn dark and you would felt as if your soul is now empty..nothing more inside..So please..as they say don’t drink and drive..please also..don’t be to pleased to let go of it and be at lost..The most stupid thing for a women is just to make them self look cheap..YOU choose to be cheap..NOT that we man choose for u..REMEMBER THAT…

I think that’s all lah for today..for some reason i donno while..i always felt lonely here..and also empty..maybe coz i lost LOVE..maybe..haaaaa……bila lah nak ada org ni yang leh isi kekosongan hati ni dan buat aku kembali berasa untung menyayangi seseorang kerana seseorang itu akan menyanyangi ku balik seperti mana aku menyanyangi nya..pernah aderk seseorang but dah hilang org…like my uncle say..u always need another women to fill in the whole left by another women..and from my own experiance..kalo aku duk kejar something camtu..aku takkan dapatnyer..selalunyer aku kena sabar sampai benda tu mai kat aku..and I MY SELF REALLY SUCKS WITH WAITING……arrrggghhhh..DEAR GOD..please..and please..take this pain away from me and please…make my HEART more stornger and tougher in going through this life facing all of YOUR challenges calmly..whole heartedly..and also taking everything that have happen calmly..Amin…..

Last but not least..my song for the moment..currently is LITHIUM..by Evanescence..

Take care people..selamat bercuti kepada mana yang nak bercuti dah ni..and selamat berbeli-beli..and bershopping2…cam jealous tengok semua org gi shopping..waaaaaaa….bila lah aku nak merasai kegembiraan menyambut raya kembali..really missed all those days…

Pengumuman tak rasmi..kepada sesaperk awek kat sana..yang pakai tudung..gemar berbaju kurung..tinggi didikan agama..sukakan budak kechik..aderk umah kampung ( sebab aku teringin nak raya kat kampung..bakar lemang..nyalakan pelita..gi terawih..) sweet..and sudi dengar lawak bodoh aku..and sudi gak melayan kerenah aku yang tak aperk2 and also lampi..and also paling penting..someone yang akan nilai aku darik dalam aku..bukan darik luaran aku..AKU BERMINAT…..hukhukhuk..cam desperate gila……( Aoineko…you seems to fit in all those spec..but..it’s sad..and u shoould know why )

Christina Aguilera Hurt

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Erm..today is friday the 13th kan…tuk mat saleh dia org kata tarikh ni banyak benda yang berlaku..tuk aku lak..aku leh cakap tarik ni bawak kesakitan tuk aku sekali lagi..kesakitan ibarat aku baru saja dibelot..dipermainkan..dan di tikam dari arah denpan dan belakang oleh insan yang sama..Why am i so stupid to let my self get hurt like this..Aku tak paham..aderk gak manusia yang sanggup permainkan perasaan and sakitkan hati org lain just tuk capai tujuan and matlamat mereka..aderk berkat ker kat situ?….Entah ah..aku susah nak benci org..semarah mana aku kat seseorang tu aku still wish the best for that person..dalam sebulan setengah ni..rasa sakit betul jiwa raga aku ni..and today is like climax dia..AGAIN……it is so painfull and buat aku rasa aku jatuh tersembam ke bumi lagik.and this time..darik mana lak aku nak carik kekuatan tuk bangun balik..bergerak balik..maju balik..sem dah nak naik ni..but tension aku makin bertambah..and i got a lot of stuff to do..and why does only pain that i’m feeling right now..not happinese..

Seriously..aku makin naik penat dengan life ni..i’m really-really exhausted with a lot of things already..and membiarkan org mempermainkan aku sebegini..masalah yang aku sendirik carik…

Tuk hamba ALLAH tu..aku doakan dia kebahagian ah kan..sebab sanggup perlakukan aku begini just tuk capai kebahagian tuk diri dia..thanks for everything you showed me..and you also showed me how low and worst i am..as if i’m a heartless person..

Try to be satisfity with what you got..just hope that no one would do the samething to u coz it would hurt me to see you in the same state as mine right now……Love is something you search for..fight for..but does it worth it to fight and try to get it selfishly until you are hurting someone else feeling..Sorry to say..i’m not ready to be someone stopping stone..You should have just let me kill those feeling long time ago then rather being in front of me….

I just hope that i would have the strength to just move on with out u..seeing you and smile as if i’m ok..and better of without u..i’ll try..for all my friends that had been supporting me all this while…

Life is not that easy you know..sometimes u always blabbered about something….not cheerishing it good enough..i wish you would just be in this one kind of state where you would felt everything that i felt..see everything that i see..in order for you to realise what u have just played with…

Stop telling people about love and pain..when you your self doesn’t really know bout it..i was a fool i guess for caring for u..being there for u..giving u everything that u need..just that u can used me for that very short moment to get your life back and you goal back..which is HIM…..

I donno if anyone is reading this..and i also know that u won’t be reading this..but i just hope..the pain that you have just caused me would be good for u..that’s all……….

Last but not least..try to stay and be faithfull if that is what you want..If u can’t even think for your self..don’t expect others would think for you……

Life is not a game you know..it involve reall time feelings and scares..learn that..

How to get your self back?…..by thinking what are you actually doing..realise that there are something in lofe that you would do..that would just make you lost your self and life..and you can never gain it back..unless you’ve fast it..and except it

Learn to appreciate something my friend…..

Jaa’

FuCkIn of from today version of today’s

Erm…aku ni baru lepas buka..tgh duk lepak dengan pc..entah kenapa..aku buka kat hotel..patut aku happykan..so aku cuba tuk happykan diri ni..but end up..aku tak leh nak makan gak..sikit jerk aku larat..kechik hati org yang duk belanja aku..erm..camner aku tau mood aku tak ok?..sebab aku tak leh nak makan betul..makan sikit dah kenyang..itu cuku tuk menyatakan yang hati aku ni tgh sedih..erm..

Nak balik dah ni..tengah layan lgu christina aguilera — hurt…..suka sangat lagu dia..erm..entah kenapa aku rasa layan betul duk dengar lagu dia ni..

aku nak balik..but rasa berat tul nak balik umah..still aderk banyak kerja yang tak siap lagik ni..aku ni iabarat berlari darik hari ke hari tuk mencari kebahagian..mencari kembali erti mencintai dan di cinatai balik..aku ni cuma insan biasa..manusia biasa..aderk keinginan tuk di sayangi..dan di hargai gak cam manusia lain.

Kekadang aku pikirkan..aperk yang aku duk buat sampai keadaan ni aku berada sekarang..memang aku kena terima..semua ni adalah qada’ dan qadar aku..but..aku makin keletihan rasa ibarat berlari mencari cinta dan di cintai..sekali lagi aku bekejar mencari something..entah..tak tau lah aperk……

To put it simple..aku ni manusia biasa..kekadang..aku cuma ingin mencintai something tu..and aku gak nak di cintai balik..aderk org bagik tau aku..mencintai something tu aderk lah antara benda yang indah..dicintai balik adalah benda yang terindah..dan di hargai ibarat bonus di dalam nyer..mampu kah aku menjumpai lagi insan yang mampu mencintai aku..menghargai aku..mengasihi aku..dan melihat ku dengan satu pandangan yang membuatkan ku di hargai..dicintai..dan tak ingin pun melihat air mata dari mata yang memandang ku itu..adakah aku layak tuk semua itu?……………

Lagu tema ku tuk minggu ni..and wish aku tuk minggu ni..i just want to be happy again..be loved again..and also be cherised again?…is there anyone out there that can give me all that?..is there?…….persoalan yang mungkin aku terpaksa hidup dengan untuk entah berapa lama……

bagi aku..tak rugi mana pun ko menyayangi org yg menyayangi ko..org yang nak hargai ko..tak rugi ko hargai org tu..insan tu..jangan mengejar benda yang tak pasti..kerana end up ko akan luka dan melukakan sama org yang menyayangi ko tu..

Take care…….signing out for now………

Christina Aguilera — Hurt

Assalamualaikum……….

Once again..i’m about to blabbered about my life..erm..aku leh cakap hidup aku agak hectic sepanjang minggu ni bermula dari hari isnin yg lepas..but that monday really buat aku rasa aku dah mati balik sekali lagi..jantung aku terhenti seketika masa bawak van..selamat tak mampos langar tembok umah org..erm..my worst nightmare happen again..bayang-bayang seseorang muncul tanpa aku duga or bersedia..hati aku hancur sekali lagi..harapan aku yg mula aku bina kembali ibarat habis di musnah arus ombak..sekelip mata..habis camtu..erm..

Aku pun tak tau kemana arus kehidupan aku akan bawak aku..bila aku rasa benda nak ok..aderk jer halangan..ujian yang datang..tak ubah cam keadaan aku di johor ni dah kat setahun..lagik 4 minggu aku dah nak naik melaka dah..sambung balik sem..but dalam keadaan camner aku akan aderk di sana?..Kesunyian ..keseorangan..atau aku akan di temani si dia seperti dulu kala….i miss those time..i want those time back..can i get it back?..i really want it..just becouse of this one soul..my life became hectic..tak tentu arah..

I want happinese..bila rasa aku akan dapat?..raya tahun ni rasa cam sebelum ni gak..just a normal dull one..but aku takut raya kalo ni aku sakit..tak dapat nak rasai sikit pun kehangatan raya tu..atleast tahun lepas i got someone i can turn to..for this year..i hope..dia akan aderk tuk aku..sampai aku naik nanti………for some reason why..hard to imagine life without that person..missing that very soul every single day and night..and why did this all happen to me?….

I wish what ever that..that person told me last nite would always stay like that..i’m at lost of searching for energy to move…a normal single day seemingly to be very-very long and whining..entah camner aku nak tahan lagik 4 minggu sampai naik melaka ni..erm..miss u..need u..love u..want u..want to be on your shoulder once again..

take me by your hand..show me the world that once you’ve showed me..cheerish me with those love that u once cheerish me with..coz i’m lost with you..i’m lone with out..i’m in tears with out u…erm..aku cam leh buat sajak but tau takder bakat pun…..

My wish for today…i want to be happy..penat asyik moody..sedih..dan tertekan..i know someone who can make me one..and thanks for doing it dear..good luck for your exam..and always stay smile my gurl..always been loving u..hope u would wait for me then we can go out together again..just like how we wish..praying hard for those day to come..it’s like a nightmare thingking going back there without u by myside..enough with the whole 2 month nightmare..don’t wanna go through it again..just want to love you and cheerish you more..to give you the happinese and love that u want..love you…..take care

for all..selamat hari raya..mintak maaf kalo aderk tersilap kata-kata and mintak halal makan dan minum..have fun and jangan lupa diri bila raya..ingat kat ALLAH yerk..have a great time and good luck everyone……..

For that special someone….take care..mintak maaf zahir dan batin..took care of me so i can take all the sadness away..i’m hoping for it…….jaa’

Assalamualaikum

MY HEART

Irwansyah & Acha

disini kau dan aku
terbiasa bersama
menjalani kasih sayang
bahagia kudenganmu

pernahkah kau menguntai
hari paling indah
ku ukir nama kita berdua
disini surga kita

bilakah kita mencintai yg lain
mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
sayang ku akan hilang

if u love somebody
could we be this strong
i will fight to win
our love will conquer all
wouldn’t reach my love
even just one night
our love will stay in my heart
my heart

pernahkah kau menguntai
hari paling indah
ku ukir nama kita berdua
disini surga kita

bilakah kita mencintai yg lain
mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
sayang ku akan hilang

bilakah kita mencintai yg lain
mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
sayang ku akan hilang

*** Lirik lagu yang cuba aku elak dari baca..Lagu yang aku cuba elak darik dengar..but atleast..it is just to tempting for me..so layan……..Christina Aquilera yang baru pun best HURT…..mungkin nanti aku uploadkan..

This past few week a lot of things happen as usuall..something would always make me wonder what is this life i’m floating on with..But alhamdulillah solat terawih aku agak kerap gi..bagus darik tahun lepas..erm..

The one year period is coming to an end..Looking forward to the new chapter but there is just this fear residing somewhere inside me. Entah..but donno how to discribe it..

Someone asked me..what would really make u really happy..and my answer is.."I DON’T KNOW"…i take my time n think back..i donno..erm..pathethic isn’t it..di tambah aku tengah layan lagu MY HEART ni..erm..

I can only wish for the best for me right now..hope that this wound of mine would be heal..scare is always there to remind u of it..but closed scare is better than opened wound right?

For that special someone..i wish u happinese always..n forever..and good luck for your exam..even thoou i know u won’t read this coz u won’t even know bout it..erm..life..

I have always told my self..getting the old thing is hard..u can only strive to carve the new one..and that is what i’m doing..weather u get something back less or as more than before..that is the result of the game…

Currently this heart of mine seems to be quit strong on someone..and it may last so..so..so and very..very..very long..

The sadest thing right now is for me not to be able to mention something important..sad..erm..but this is life right?

Raya is nearing..and guess this year it may be a bit better than before..InsyaALLAH..maybe raya kat kluang lagik..but this time kampung pack gila..wondering..camner gaya dia..

Good luck to everyone taking exam..all da best….and…..selamat berpuasa n raya..

** My current Wish

  —-  To be in someone arms so that i can cry all my heart out..clear it out..push it out..coz it is sometimes to tiring just to keep it..releasing it is better..anger is not the best way..but crying is an option..Like what Lacus Clyne told Kira Yamato in Gundam Seed..when Flea died it i think…" It’s ok to cry if u felt u wanna cry.." and those word came out from Lacus coz Kira would hardly cry and he would stored up all the pain n sadness inside him..erm..so my current wish is..*** To be in someone arms and just cry out all the pain in order for me to stand tall again to move forward ***

Gambareyo Na…..Take care and cherish what ever you have coz u’ll just regret it when ever u loose it..That is the man kind weakness..

Assalamualaikum