Th3 Fr0z3N D3sTinY

2.30 pagi. Ni lah penunjuk jarum jam kat bilik aku ni sekarang. Mata aku ni masih terbeliak sambil tgh melayan lagu Mariah Carey, Believe. Damn..last time masa lagu ni baru keluar..aku sibuk mendengar walkman kesana kemari dengan siaran radio Hits FM tungu bila lagu ni nak keluar..keluar jerk..haih..memang feeling gila ah melayan suara Mariah yg memang best n lagu mendayu ni. Haihhh..those days. I was so innocent i guess. Masa tu, aku tak pernah terpikir camner masa depan aku skarang ni.

Put that aside, how long was it since aku last update blog aku yg dah terkubur lama ni kan. Huhuhu..lama dah jugak aku rasa nak buat posting baru..but aderk campur malas dan malas gak..huhu..At last..pagi buta ni gak aku update blog aku yg satu ni. It is preety lame for a software engineering student blog to look like this. But again..i’m to lazy to change anything..coz its quit a hassle u know. Nothing is easy. Everything have their own share of hardship..Makan pun bukan senang tau..aku perasan gak sometimes. Malas nyer nak gi bangun basuh tangan makan, nak gi dapur ambik sudu..huhu..ni lah dia hidup org malas cam aku ni..miahahaha…

Raya baru jerk lepas kan..n seperti biasa cam 2 ke 3 tahun yg lepas. Raya cam biasa jerk tuk aku. Nothing new or ordinary. Kitaran dia cam sama jerk. And i was wandering..bila raya akan menjadik meriah kembali tuk aku. Aku sangat-sangat mengharap tahun depan would be far more better than this year for my family n me my self. But again, this is all part of our learning system. Pernah tak korang rasa, bila korang di timpa musibah, ko doublekan amal ibadah ko..ingatan ko tuk ALLAH..but still, cam setiap kali lepas ko solat or doa, aderk jerk benda tak elok jadik. Ibarat cam bila ko solat, lepas tu akan aderk musibah mai. But bila ko tinggalkan solat tu, tak solat, tak derk benda buruk jadik. Aku selalu pikir kalo jadik camtu, ALLAH nak uji kita, sejauh mana kesabaran, iman and also kepercayaan kita kat DIA. Yerk lah kan, kalo DIA baru jentik ko sekali doa ko dah mengalah..aderk HATI ker dia nak tolong ko bila ko sendirik tak derk hati nak sabar ngan ujian DIA. Tul tak? Kita ni hamba..aperk yg DIA bagik..kita kena terima..tabah..sabar dan redha..teruskan perjalanan hidup..berjuang..but jgn lupa DIA. Mak aku selalu gak pesan..ingat DIA kalo kita nak DIA ingat n jaga kita.

Lately..dah kat dua tiga bulan ni, aku banyak tengok member-member rapat aku ni break-up and also mana yg tgh menghadapai ujian hidup yg lain. But yg paling ketara aku nampak ni, break-up ah kan. Semua nyer membabitkan duration relationship yg sangat lama. But the  again, aderk gak yg dah nak kahwin dah dlam bulan 11 and 12 akan mai ni. Tahniah ah tuk korang kan. Tuk yg tgh berduka ngan masalah dia org tu…i’m always there for u all. Selagi aku leh bantu korang. Aku bantu. Time aku susah korang bantu aku, so ni kita time aku lak tuk bantu korang. Life is hard, but still we need to move on. Aderk banyak lagik cabaran besar yang bakal menanti kita ni. Banyak sangat-sangat. So we need to be prepared from now on. Anggap aperk sajerk musibah yg melanda korang ni sekarang ni, adalah persediaan tuk korang hadapi musibah yg lagik besar nanti. Ujian to be precise. To Andrew, Sunny, Gha, Lokman n tak lupa Kay..good luck in your future. This time now seems to be the turn around point for your life. Good luck buddies.

Hah, lagu yg penuh ngan nostalgia tgh main ni, Nickelback - Someday. Setiap kali aku dengar bass lagu ni, mesti buat aku teringat speaker dalam JFU4040 keta lama aku tau..wahhh..aku rindu akan mu..hukhuk..but speaker tu masih aderk kat rumah..ttak tau lagik nak fix kat keta mana kan. Darik dua AMP, tambah lagik satu bagik jadik 3 AMP, tukar corssover yg lagik mantap, carik tube woofer yg power. Good player..huh..mesti mantap nyer bunyi..kasik 3 ways system n surround…mengeliur aku memikirkan nyer. Buat masa ni, nak ubat kerinduan tu..aku aderk lah Sonic Gear A5 ni. Bunyi bass/woofer dia tak semantap bunyi sonic gear lama aku..Maybe sebab dulu aku guna external soundcard n sekarang aku guna internal..tu yg bass dia cam terpendam jerk segan silu…huhu..tunggu lah aku angkat audigy pro nanti kan. Audigy…waiiiiiiiiii..kalo dapat tukar pc ni..lagik mantap..budget tak dekr maaaaaaaaaaaa…nak buat camner kan. haihhhhh

Dah genap setahun aku naik balik mmu..since cuti setahun sebelum ni. And how was everything? I lost a lot of friend yg dah graduate from here…*sob* *sob*…How about new friends? I got few here..not many but adekr lah..but still…i miss my old buddies in mmu ni..especially Alpha time..hope aku leh organise kan reunion..tengok lah kalo aderk rezeki kan. Sebab aku tengok ramai kat kl sekarang..agak senang ah nak carik..huhuh…Talking about friends, i find it hard for me to make friends in mmu currently..entah..mungkin aku ni jerk segan n malu..takut-takut..but bila chatting..haiiii..people can surprise with me sebab aku terlebih peramah..huhuh..well..jgn sangka aperk yg anda lihat dan dengar adalah itu jerk..mungkin aderk lebih lagik yg anda tak tau..isi tersirat darik tersurat…miaahahahaha…bahasa mau mantap lah kan

Terasa cam adekr banyak lagik nak type..but cam malas lak..aha…nak kehilangan aperk yg nak di cakap kan tu…Miss my gurl..kat kl praktikal..sorang jerk aku kat sini..haha..but best gak..baru dia tau camner rasa kerja ek..dulu aku kerja sibuk kaco..sekarang rasakan senddirik…hahaha…buat kerja elok-elok ok..muaahh….

That’s all lah folks…maybe next time i have somemore interesting things for u all lah kan…adios…

Jaa na’….mata’..watashiwa tomodachi..daijinamono tomodachi

Assalamualaikum….

Entah berapa lama dah ni kan last sekali aku updated my blog…huhu..ni semua tergerak nak update seba tengok aku nyer blog address aderk kat dalam zaidi nyer websit…huhu…erm…so many things happen. And ni gak kira last sem to some of my buddies ( harap they still think me of buddies also ). Semua nyer nak grade dah ni. Aku bila lagik?..Haih..tu lah sibuk nak kerja dulu..huhu..cam aku adekr pilihan jerk kan time tu. Anyway, sekarang ni aku tgh tunggu masa nak gi mandi. Nak gi pasar malam sat lagik ngan aineko-chan. Hari ni Melaka hujan since morning. Dah bangun dah kat kul 9. Lepas tu leh lak hujan. Cam heaven…huhu..bila tah last time tidur pagi dalam keadaan hujan yang lebat. Guruh lak tu…kuat..aku dah risau sebab rasa rumah ni bergegar. Al maklumlah kan..entah tahun bila nyer rumah ni..kekadang duduk lepas-lepak camtu kat hall pun cat-cat kat siling yg dah reput tu leh gugur ngan banyak nyer sekali. Creepy thou kalo tgh lepak sorang. Ni kan pulak guruh yg kuat tadik sampai buat cermin rumah ni gegar. Ku sangkakan nak roboh lah rumah ni kan tadik. Huhuhuhu….sambung lah tidur..sampai kat kul 12.30. Bangun sebab lapar…terus gi masak. Lauk semalam aderk..just goreng tempe sama tauhu. Nak kata masak sambal cam masak kicap pun adekr rupa dia…haha..but penting..sedap n menyelerakan. Naik muak rasa asyik makan kedai jerk. Baik makan sendrik healthy food. Tul tak?…Hari ni hujan sampai kepetang tadik. Basah kain ku yg di jemur duluar. But, relaks ah kan…sebab dah lama tak hujan. Sejuk sikit cuaca kat melaka ni. Kalo tak..panas memanjang sampai malam pun cam terbakar rasa. Huh…org Melaka banyak dosa lah ni kan..hukhuk. Hari ni patut pc baru housemate aku ni sampai. Tak gak sampai2 ni. Nak gak tengok sebab spec dia aku yang buatkan..Waaaaaaaa….nak pc baru gak. Mana nak carik RM3k for new pc. aderk org nak sponsor tak? Huhuhuh..tabung bantuan pc baru..hukhuk. Cakap apsal tabung bantuan, rumah si Fadly hari ni masuk air pagik tadik sebab hujan yang sangat lebat kat melaka ni. Dia kata masuk air sampai ke dapur. Tilam kesayangan king size dia lak letak atas lantai..basah lah gitu. Tu cakap ngan dia, " Tak perk, bilik belakang kami kosong, tumpang lah . Kami and mengenakan charge yang sangat murah dan berpatutan. Agak-agak cukup2 tuk beli satu pc baru ker kan tuk aku..huhu…NAK QUAD CORE..huh…tgh gila ngan MOBO Abit Fatal1ty…looks nice n gempak. But yg suppor socket AM2 looks so damn nice. But sayang SLi….aku bukan nak guna SLi pun..not a hardcore gamer thou..hukhuk

Ok lah….kami mau pergi mandi..huhu..sejuk..huh..best…then gi pasar malam…jalan-jalan buat bodoh jerk..haha..nak ikut? ingat nak singgah stygix sat gi survey monitor..tengok aderk yang menarik tak..sebab DELL 22" flat LCD cukup menaikkan nafsu aku…HAHAHAAH….selamat yaaaaaaaaaaa

Jaa na’…Mata’

Assalamualaikum

Currently..this computer clock of mine is shwoing 3.06 a.m…and for some reason i tak tau lah kenapakan..i can’t seems to be lying on my bed and just dozz of and guess what..feeling like killing all the mosquito that are here now..darah aku tak sedap ah..ambik darah org lain lah..huh..

It’s been nearly one month aku dah naik balik sem ni..umah baru pun alhamdulillah..ok jerk..housemate baru ku..kay the orange dude..haha..camtu jerk kot..nothing much..as for study..camtu jerk lah..sama jerk..tetiba cam pikir balik..dah setahun ker aku cuti. Bila aku sadar aku baru naik cuti?..Bila aku nampak muka-muka baur kat mmu ni and orang-orang lama yang dah tak derk..couple-couple  baru and adekr lah wannabe-wannabe yang aku tak pernah nampak selama ni..hehe..umah aku dekat dengan kedai kuning ah beb..senang jerk nak gi makan..yerk tak SayanG..?

Aku ni baru jerk baik darik demam..lama tak kena sekali kena leh tahan teurk lah kan..and also selamat balik jb..leh ambik proper medication kat sana..tukar antibiotik..Alhamdulillah..getting better..buT…DarLinG aku lak sakit..cian baby org ek..hukhuk..nanti esok org temankan dia gi clinic ok..Currently aku tengah duk layan lagu Sheila On 7..Terjamah Yang Lain..entah kenapa..rasa best lak..huhu..duduk melaka ni memang conform ah tak update gila dengan dunia muzik ni..unless terdengar-dengar lagu-lagu yang baru..baru lah nak ambik tau and gi carik..hukhuk..

Things look that it change a lot around here..bila kekadang duduk sorang-sorang camnikan..aku terpikir..after 1 or 2 more years to come..camner life aku kat mmu ni kan?..Mesti banyak gila perubahan..huhu..and aku ni cam tak berubah-ubah lak rasa..cam time zone..haha..ibarat bangunan KOMTAR johor bahru yg terletak di tengah2 bandar Johor Bahru tu..gitu jerk dia..hahaha..

Kay tengah bising time ni..aderk dua ekor kucing tengah bergolek=golek and buat bising kat luar umah tu..entah tak tau lah aperk masalah dia org..tak leh ker dia org bawak berdamai jerk memalam ni..pikirkan lah jejiran yang aderk kat sekeliling ni kan..aperk nak jadik ni..ish..ish..hukhuk..kucing pun kena hantar gi kaunseling ni..and tak lupa anjing-anjing kat EP tu…entah tahun bila baru akan di ambil tindakan pun aku tak tau lah kan..naik rimas rasa..cam satu kawasan EP and MMU kena samak jerk..hukhuk…tak leh bayangkan..

And currently also..i’m missing someone..and that someone know who it self is..hukhuk..miss you..love you..aoineko-chan..muuuaaahhh..get well soon ok dear…

Rasa cam nak gi tidur dah ni..ingat nak tahan sampai subuh..but takut tak tahan time class lak nanti..to all…wassssaaabbbeeee……

Evanescence —- Lithium

Lithium, don’t want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don’t want to forget how it feels without…
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh but God I want to let it go.

Come to bed, don’t make me sleep alone.
Couldn’t hide the emptiness, you let it show.
Never wanted it to be so cold.
Just didn’t drink enough to say you love me.

I can’t hold on to me,
Wonder what’s wrong with me.

Lithium, don’t want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don’t want to forget how it feels without…
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

Don’t want to let it lay me down this time.
Drown my will to fly.
Here in the darkness I know myself.
Can’t break free until I let it go.
Let me go.

Darling, I forgive you after all.
Anything is better than to be alone.
And in the end I guess I had to fall.
Always find my place among the ashes.

I can’t hold on to me,
Wonder what’s wrong with me.

Lithium, don’t want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don’t want to forget how it feels without…
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

—– Hari ni aku tengah duk lepak jerk ni depan pc aku..kerja agak banyak hari ni added jalan kat johor ni jam gila..nak deepavali katakan..habis sesak..penin pala aku..duk ulang alik ke sana ke mari dalam keadaan yang panas terik tu..teruji iman aku..dengan penambahan masalah-masalah tertentu seperti biasalah kan..

Aku kekadang rasa cam sunyi gila sini bulan posa ni..cam sorang jerk rasa..kenapa ek?…dah kat seminggu ni aku balik umah lambat jerk from work..buka pun kat luar..makan setakat tuk alas perut then makan esok nyer tuk sahur..pun alas perut nyer..aku buka hotel pun tak leh nak makan sangat..kenapa ek?..but rasa berat badan aku ni camtu jerk..cam tak ubah pun..tensi beb..waaaaaa..aperk nak buat ek..rasa cam hari ni hari tensi sedunia..

Sekali lagi aku cam sedih sikit memikirkan benda yang aku telah hilang..agaknyer bila aku ni nak ok balik lah kan..asyik-asyik pikir benda sedih jerk.bila nak happy…aderk tak sesaperk kat sana sudi happykan aku..aku banje lolypop..nak? Ni lagi beberapa hari jerk nak raya dah ni..but kerja aku makin hari rasa cam makin banyak lah pulak..camner tu?..binggung aku dibuatnyer..aderk org leh tolong aku lagikk tak?..hukhuk..waaaaaaa…..kenapa dengan aku ni..hukhuk..entah ah..hari ni hari menggong and hari benggong sedunia..

Sebelum aku terlupa..malam ni malam 27 Ramadhan..so gunakan lah yerk sebaik mungkin..mudah-mudahan mendapat syafaat darik ALLAH SWT…aku pun insyaALLAH kalo rajin berjaga lah aku..mana tau kot-kot aku yg kalut ni and banggang ni tetiba insaf..sedar..hidayah and taufik tu lagik banyak turun kat aku kan..InsyaALLAH..saperk tak mo kan..penting tu…hohoho…erm..sedih lagik..huwaaaaa..nak happy..tak kira..nak happy gak..tolong….waaaaaaaaa…huaaaaaa..whuaaaaaaaaa..

Last but not least..to that someone tu..love you..miss you..even thou i know you don’t have anything for me anymore..take care and always pray for the best for you..but ingat..and perlu tanamkan dalam diri tu..tuk sabar..and bersyukur..okai…my dear aoineko…

K lah..song for the moment tuk today is Evanescene..Lithium..suka sangat cara Amy Lee bawak lagu tu dengan suara dia..aku tak really pay attention to the lyrics but more kepada cara dia bawak lagu tu..interesting lah beb..hukhuk..Amy Lee rock..and lagi satu lagu Snow White Queen..tu pun best..nanti ah aku upload kan lyrics dia yerk..hohoho….

Selamat berbuka to all okai………..

Jaa na’

mata’

Today is monday..one more week to go and it is already raya..Doesn’t really felt the atmosphere of raya anymore..life have been preety rough for me to even thinkin of raya..sad isn’t it?

It’s been like three years we haven’t really celebrate raya coz of all the problems and down time we are suffering here..Every single one of us here are facing bad time..bad day..even bad dreams..

For me my self..time this raya would be one of the saddest raya i guess..coz there seems to be to much of losses that would just seems to make me watery when ever i think about raya and also thinking about things that i have lost..most precious one of course..But they say life must go on..so i just have to past through that day..But wouldn’t know how would i really turn out to be..ok or not..good or not..strong or not..But since this last weekend..it made me reallise again a lot of thing..about me..and also about others..selfishness..ego..anger..revenge..and also love..may be also "gila sex" for some "man" who doesn’t really know how to really appreciate women..I’ve been wondering..just becouse of this few sex maniac man..would just get into a relationship just to for sex..it had tarnished all of us other man..Actually..do we really need sex that bad?..I mean we do have the nature for it..but are we that desperate to have sex?…Do we really look for sex when ever we look at gurls?…..Something to think about u know..are u really that kind of person? Or are we that kind of person?..Erm..from my own personal opinion..women are not sex slave or any other kind of slave..they are meant to be cherished and care..just like our mother or maybe sister…If u felt inlove with somebody..please do remember this all of my kind..look into the heart..not from the shell it self..coz most gurl actually look us inside..not on outside..But there are some women and men whom always look on the outside only..Nature lah..But it is not that healty you see..For someone like me..I have always go through life by judging something from it’s inner..not from it’s outer shell..

Sex..sex..and sex..and currently i’m so worried about someone and hope she would not fall into victim of her boyfriend sex desire and lust..Think about it already make you scared..To think about it..for heaven sake..is women that cheap for a guy to always coupled..go out once..and already asked for this or that..go out twice..they upgraded their wish..go out thrice..they upgraded it even more.and until at one point of this..no more to upgrade..so..JUST DISCARD IT..it happen a lot nowdays..but there are still some women felt victim for it even though there are many example out there..The reason?..simple..some of this women would jut loved this guy their whole heart and just don’t want to loose this guy..they are willing to give anything to this person as long as this person love them and always stay by their side..STUPID..AND ALSO DUMB YET IDIOT..To all women and gurls out there..please take care of your cave from being visit by mister earl unless that earl already been given the proper right and authority for the cave…Please remember..we are Malaysian..not european or those kind of people whom run their life on open sex..Please remember gurls..you are just to precious..for some man i just donno..but for me whom really look high and treasure a relationship..just holding a hand of a women is already big enough..and it would take sometimes..coz time is needed for your heart to really grow fond and like on her..Worst come to worst lah kan..think lah..is it worth it for u just to give your self to someone whom you really known just for like what?..few days or month..not even a year..and you seldomly meet?…Think..Think..and Think ok…

I just donno wether i have the right to say all this thing..but i just felt wanna to right this blog since yesterday it self..for that someone..i really hope you take a good care of your self..coz u are just to precious and priceless to let a man get you just like that in a blink of an eye..Used your women insticnt to differentiate wether that man really2 love you..or just aftering you for your body and sex..think carefully..and watch your self out..There are lot of good man out there that would look you from inside..and care for you their whole heartly and not even for sex..Sex is actaully something sacred and should only be done if the most proper..good..and authorised way..mean..you already get the GREEN GO LIGHT legally and religiously..understand..coz when u do it without the GREEN GO LIGHT..believe me..your life wouldn’t be anymore happier..everything would just turn dark and you would felt as if your soul is now empty..nothing more inside..So please..as they say don’t drink and drive..please also..don’t be to pleased to let go of it and be at lost..The most stupid thing for a women is just to make them self look cheap..YOU choose to be cheap..NOT that we man choose for u..REMEMBER THAT…

I think that’s all lah for today..for some reason i donno while..i always felt lonely here..and also empty..maybe coz i lost LOVE..maybe..haaaaa……bila lah nak ada org ni yang leh isi kekosongan hati ni dan buat aku kembali berasa untung menyayangi seseorang kerana seseorang itu akan menyanyangi ku balik seperti mana aku menyanyangi nya..pernah aderk seseorang but dah hilang org…like my uncle say..u always need another women to fill in the whole left by another women..and from my own experiance..kalo aku duk kejar something camtu..aku takkan dapatnyer..selalunyer aku kena sabar sampai benda tu mai kat aku..and I MY SELF REALLY SUCKS WITH WAITING……arrrggghhhh..DEAR GOD..please..and please..take this pain away from me and please…make my HEART more stornger and tougher in going through this life facing all of YOUR challenges calmly..whole heartedly..and also taking everything that have happen calmly..Amin…..

Last but not least..my song for the moment..currently is LITHIUM..by Evanescence..

Take care people..selamat bercuti kepada mana yang nak bercuti dah ni..and selamat berbeli-beli..and bershopping2…cam jealous tengok semua org gi shopping..waaaaaaa….bila lah aku nak merasai kegembiraan menyambut raya kembali..really missed all those days…

Pengumuman tak rasmi..kepada sesaperk awek kat sana..yang pakai tudung..gemar berbaju kurung..tinggi didikan agama..sukakan budak kechik..aderk umah kampung ( sebab aku teringin nak raya kat kampung..bakar lemang..nyalakan pelita..gi terawih..) sweet..and sudi dengar lawak bodoh aku..and sudi gak melayan kerenah aku yang tak aperk2 and also lampi..and also paling penting..someone yang akan nilai aku darik dalam aku..bukan darik luaran aku..AKU BERMINAT…..hukhukhuk..cam desperate gila……( Aoineko…you seems to fit in all those spec..but..it’s sad..and u shoould know why )

Christina Aguilera Hurt

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Erm..today is friday the 13th kan…tuk mat saleh dia org kata tarikh ni banyak benda yang berlaku..tuk aku lak..aku leh cakap tarik ni bawak kesakitan tuk aku sekali lagi..kesakitan ibarat aku baru saja dibelot..dipermainkan..dan di tikam dari arah denpan dan belakang oleh insan yang sama..Why am i so stupid to let my self get hurt like this..Aku tak paham..aderk gak manusia yang sanggup permainkan perasaan and sakitkan hati org lain just tuk capai tujuan and matlamat mereka..aderk berkat ker kat situ?….Entah ah..aku susah nak benci org..semarah mana aku kat seseorang tu aku still wish the best for that person..dalam sebulan setengah ni..rasa sakit betul jiwa raga aku ni..and today is like climax dia..AGAIN……it is so painfull and buat aku rasa aku jatuh tersembam ke bumi lagik.and this time..darik mana lak aku nak carik kekuatan tuk bangun balik..bergerak balik..maju balik..sem dah nak naik ni..but tension aku makin bertambah..and i got a lot of stuff to do..and why does only pain that i’m feeling right now..not happinese..

Seriously..aku makin naik penat dengan life ni..i’m really-really exhausted with a lot of things already..and membiarkan org mempermainkan aku sebegini..masalah yang aku sendirik carik…

Tuk hamba ALLAH tu..aku doakan dia kebahagian ah kan..sebab sanggup perlakukan aku begini just tuk capai kebahagian tuk diri dia..thanks for everything you showed me..and you also showed me how low and worst i am..as if i’m a heartless person..

Try to be satisfity with what you got..just hope that no one would do the samething to u coz it would hurt me to see you in the same state as mine right now……Love is something you search for..fight for..but does it worth it to fight and try to get it selfishly until you are hurting someone else feeling..Sorry to say..i’m not ready to be someone stopping stone..You should have just let me kill those feeling long time ago then rather being in front of me….

I just hope that i would have the strength to just move on with out u..seeing you and smile as if i’m ok..and better of without u..i’ll try..for all my friends that had been supporting me all this while…

Life is not that easy you know..sometimes u always blabbered about something….not cheerishing it good enough..i wish you would just be in this one kind of state where you would felt everything that i felt..see everything that i see..in order for you to realise what u have just played with…

Stop telling people about love and pain..when you your self doesn’t really know bout it..i was a fool i guess for caring for u..being there for u..giving u everything that u need..just that u can used me for that very short moment to get your life back and you goal back..which is HIM…..

I donno if anyone is reading this..and i also know that u won’t be reading this..but i just hope..the pain that you have just caused me would be good for u..that’s all……….

Last but not least..try to stay and be faithfull if that is what you want..If u can’t even think for your self..don’t expect others would think for you……

Life is not a game you know..it involve reall time feelings and scares..learn that..

How to get your self back?…..by thinking what are you actually doing..realise that there are something in lofe that you would do..that would just make you lost your self and life..and you can never gain it back..unless you’ve fast it..and except it

Learn to appreciate something my friend…..

Jaa’

FuCkIn of from today version of today’s

Erm…aku ni baru lepas buka..tgh duk lepak dengan pc..entah kenapa..aku buka kat hotel..patut aku happykan..so aku cuba tuk happykan diri ni..but end up..aku tak leh nak makan gak..sikit jerk aku larat..kechik hati org yang duk belanja aku..erm..camner aku tau mood aku tak ok?..sebab aku tak leh nak makan betul..makan sikit dah kenyang..itu cuku tuk menyatakan yang hati aku ni tgh sedih..erm..

Nak balik dah ni..tengah layan lgu christina aguilera — hurt…..suka sangat lagu dia..erm..entah kenapa aku rasa layan betul duk dengar lagu dia ni..

aku nak balik..but rasa berat tul nak balik umah..still aderk banyak kerja yang tak siap lagik ni..aku ni iabarat berlari darik hari ke hari tuk mencari kebahagian..mencari kembali erti mencintai dan di cinatai balik..aku ni cuma insan biasa..manusia biasa..aderk keinginan tuk di sayangi..dan di hargai gak cam manusia lain.

Kekadang aku pikirkan..aperk yang aku duk buat sampai keadaan ni aku berada sekarang..memang aku kena terima..semua ni adalah qada’ dan qadar aku..but..aku makin keletihan rasa ibarat berlari mencari cinta dan di cintai..sekali lagi aku bekejar mencari something..entah..tak tau lah aperk……

To put it simple..aku ni manusia biasa..kekadang..aku cuma ingin mencintai something tu..and aku gak nak di cintai balik..aderk org bagik tau aku..mencintai something tu aderk lah antara benda yang indah..dicintai balik adalah benda yang terindah..dan di hargai ibarat bonus di dalam nyer..mampu kah aku menjumpai lagi insan yang mampu mencintai aku..menghargai aku..mengasihi aku..dan melihat ku dengan satu pandangan yang membuatkan ku di hargai..dicintai..dan tak ingin pun melihat air mata dari mata yang memandang ku itu..adakah aku layak tuk semua itu?……………

Lagu tema ku tuk minggu ni..and wish aku tuk minggu ni..i just want to be happy again..be loved again..and also be cherised again?…is there anyone out there that can give me all that?..is there?…….persoalan yang mungkin aku terpaksa hidup dengan untuk entah berapa lama……

bagi aku..tak rugi mana pun ko menyayangi org yg menyayangi ko..org yang nak hargai ko..tak rugi ko hargai org tu..insan tu..jangan mengejar benda yang tak pasti..kerana end up ko akan luka dan melukakan sama org yang menyayangi ko tu..

Take care…….signing out for now………

Christina Aguilera — Hurt

Assalamualaikum……….

Once again..i’m about to blabbered about my life..erm..aku leh cakap hidup aku agak hectic sepanjang minggu ni bermula dari hari isnin yg lepas..but that monday really buat aku rasa aku dah mati balik sekali lagi..jantung aku terhenti seketika masa bawak van..selamat tak mampos langar tembok umah org..erm..my worst nightmare happen again..bayang-bayang seseorang muncul tanpa aku duga or bersedia..hati aku hancur sekali lagi..harapan aku yg mula aku bina kembali ibarat habis di musnah arus ombak..sekelip mata..habis camtu..erm..

Aku pun tak tau kemana arus kehidupan aku akan bawak aku..bila aku rasa benda nak ok..aderk jer halangan..ujian yang datang..tak ubah cam keadaan aku di johor ni dah kat setahun..lagik 4 minggu aku dah nak naik melaka dah..sambung balik sem..but dalam keadaan camner aku akan aderk di sana?..Kesunyian ..keseorangan..atau aku akan di temani si dia seperti dulu kala….i miss those time..i want those time back..can i get it back?..i really want it..just becouse of this one soul..my life became hectic..tak tentu arah..

I want happinese..bila rasa aku akan dapat?..raya tahun ni rasa cam sebelum ni gak..just a normal dull one..but aku takut raya kalo ni aku sakit..tak dapat nak rasai sikit pun kehangatan raya tu..atleast tahun lepas i got someone i can turn to..for this year..i hope..dia akan aderk tuk aku..sampai aku naik nanti………for some reason why..hard to imagine life without that person..missing that very soul every single day and night..and why did this all happen to me?….

I wish what ever that..that person told me last nite would always stay like that..i’m at lost of searching for energy to move…a normal single day seemingly to be very-very long and whining..entah camner aku nak tahan lagik 4 minggu sampai naik melaka ni..erm..miss u..need u..love u..want u..want to be on your shoulder once again..

take me by your hand..show me the world that once you’ve showed me..cheerish me with those love that u once cheerish me with..coz i’m lost with you..i’m lone with out..i’m in tears with out u…erm..aku cam leh buat sajak but tau takder bakat pun…..

My wish for today…i want to be happy..penat asyik moody..sedih..dan tertekan..i know someone who can make me one..and thanks for doing it dear..good luck for your exam..and always stay smile my gurl..always been loving u..hope u would wait for me then we can go out together again..just like how we wish..praying hard for those day to come..it’s like a nightmare thingking going back there without u by myside..enough with the whole 2 month nightmare..don’t wanna go through it again..just want to love you and cheerish you more..to give you the happinese and love that u want..love you…..take care

for all..selamat hari raya..mintak maaf kalo aderk tersilap kata-kata and mintak halal makan dan minum..have fun and jangan lupa diri bila raya..ingat kat ALLAH yerk..have a great time and good luck everyone……..

For that special someone….take care..mintak maaf zahir dan batin..took care of me so i can take all the sadness away..i’m hoping for it…….jaa’

Assalamualaikum